Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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