Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
