remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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