Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
