I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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