oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
