Got a toothbrush?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
