are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
