Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we're making bets on your personal life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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