His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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