remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
