Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
