yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
