I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
