I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize