Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
