I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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