I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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