My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
