I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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