Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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