There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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