Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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