And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
