24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
