You can't motorboat a personality
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
