I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
