Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
