you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
