Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
