So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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