we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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