maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
