Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext me about skeletons
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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