I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
