First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
