wrigley field is MILF paradise
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
