Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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