So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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