Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
