come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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