Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize