see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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