When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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