You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
