i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize