what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
