I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
