Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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