They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We smell like vodka and hangover
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