and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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