Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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