His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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