Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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