just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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