Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
