A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
