Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

You can't motorboat a personality

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(347): View more from New York

We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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(516): View more from New York

please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think I can smell my own vagina right now

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(631): View more from New York

I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

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(517): View more from Michigan

I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors

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(208): View more from Idaho

If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.

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(618): View more from Illinois

When have you ever know me to go too far?

(270): View more from Kentucky

Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?

(618): View more from Illinois

Yeah. Besides those.

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