Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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