wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
