One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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