I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
