no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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