I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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