Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
