I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
