carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
