while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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