She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
