Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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