there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
