help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
